I apologize for the major slacking on my part. Not that anyone reads this except for Caroline...hahaha.
Today, I went to Red Hot and Boom. It rained a lot. There were also tons of nasty people everywhere. Like, TONS. The place was so unbelievably packed. It took us at least 40 minutes to get out of the parking lot. But spending time with friends is always enjoyable.
I just have like tons of thoughts racing through my head right now. None of it is really distinguishable (part of the reason I haven't wrote in here). Life likes to mess with the best of us sometimes. I wish I was more knowledgable and wise to write more about this; or maybe even help solve my problems. Then again, I feel like a bitch for complaining all the time to myself and others about my 'problems'. I have it made compared to some people. Makes me feel like a selfish dick.
All I wanted to do was relax and blow it off. I just wanted to lay down and take a deep breath. I just wanted to sink into the concrete and gaze at the stars. I just wanted to meditate my mind away and pretend that the bitter lemons of my life were sweet lemonade. I just wanted to talk about my day and hear about yours. I just wanted to be lazy and unproductive. I just wanted to conquer the world and bring peace. I just wanted everyone to see things the way that I saw them. I just wanted to see things the way that everyone else sees them. I just wanted to connect and be connected with. I just wanted a few simple things out of my life, but apparently that's just too much to ask for.
I don't like being generalized. Don't judge me. I am not who you think I am. I am much more.
My life continues to be a series of let downs. I'm very confused and upset all the time, and I feel like a nuisance to many people. Whatever, it's how I feel. Today I didn't do much of anything. Sat around all day, then hung out with Will and grabbed some food at Tijuana Flats. We then picked up Josh and went to go play pool, just to have Will's parents let us know that he wasn't allowed to be there. So we then proceeded to my house to watch some WGI videos. I really miss the Infinity days in 2009. They were so much fun and carefree. All that I ever had to worry about was being at practice on time, and learning my music. Simple. Enjoyable. Carefree. It was definitely one of the best times of my life. And most definitely better than right now.
I hope the future is more bright than I'm anticipating. I want to be happy again, that's all. I am looking forward to UCF though. If anything, I know college will be a step up from the ignorant dumb-asses at Oviedo.
I am struggling to find hope. Nothing is telling me that we will be successful in the end. Especially considering the end already happened, technically. I don't know what to do with myself. She says she still loves me and wants to be mine, but I don't know how I can trust that. I have no proof to hold on to; No net to catch me when I fall. But I'm already on the ground I guess. What have I to lose? Nothing. My heart wants me to believe, but my mind is calling me a fool. I can only pray that this doesn't screw me over again. Whatever.
Tonight was the last time we'll get to see Kevin for the next five weeks. We watched the finale of Scrubs, and it was really sad. I cried for quite a while. About everything. Life is so confusing and incredibly difficult lately. I have this dream that the world would be a more peaceful place to live. I wish that everyone had a mindset based upon love and acceptance. It seems like a simple thing to ask, but so difficult to accomplish, for whatever reason. Who wouldn't want to do away with hatred? It just doesn't make sense to me, I guess. I didn't receive my job with the Secret Service. Just another let down to add to my growing list. But apparently I'm not allowed to be upset about my life. It seems like everything that can go wrong, is going wrong. But whatever. Life is hard. I just don't understand why all people can't be as caring, supportive, and accepting as others. Everyone just needs to spread the love, damn it.
I shall depart and leave a quote from the finale of Scrubs that we watched tonight. Good-morrow everyone.
"And who's to say this isn't what happens? Who can tell me that my fantasies won't come true... just this once?"
I'm not so angry anymore. There are some good people in this world, although they are difficult to find. But it's always a pleasant surprise to have an enjoyable conversation with somebody.
Last night I went to my first show at the Backbooth. It was nice and small like The Social, but still had a slightly different feel to the place. I enjoyed it though. The bands were great too. Yukon Blonde was fantastic, right along with Good Old War. My favorite aspect of both of these bands was the 'feel good' attitude and mood that they gave off to their audience. You couldn't help but feel good if you were there. They were also really funny in between songs. I mentioned to Grant, "I just wish that everyone in the world were like these guys!" He subtly agreed. And at the end of the show they came down into the audience and sang a couple songs with us. It was very intimate, and very awesome. I love how every concert is different in some way. Makes it interesting to keep going to them.
There is NO justice in the world! None! Whatsoever! If you think you're right, guess what?! You're wrong! No matter what! Even if you actually are right, in terms of whatever you believe, morals, Jesus, Allah; You're still fucking wrong in someone's eyes! No matter what! Any situation! There is somebody who can't stand you because of what you believe. And oftentimes, these people who disagree with you are the only people on the planet that you want to believe you. The only people you care about. Fuck it. There is no justice in this world.
I apologize for not blogging in the past couple days. I will later tonight.